August 23, 2004

Like I need more blogs to read

Just stumbled across an appealing webzine, Literary Mama (run on MT). Mothers of sons might want to have a look at Having A Boy? Better Luck Next Time: Mothers, Sons and Stereotypes by Alison Streit:

Then there are the perfect strangers who see fit to tell me things like "He'll eat you out of house and home." "You'll need a harness on him till he's ten." "Sometimes he'll just ram his head into the wall for no apparent reason, but he'll be fine. That's just how they are."

I look forward to that stage.¹

Those working outside the house could read Amy Hudock's Mothering in the Ivory Tower. Here is an excerpt:

I must do this work, but I have to call it as I see it in my own life. I won't pretend that Sarah is not suffering. I won't pretend that her pain doesn't matter. I won't try to justify it in terms of her well being, as in claiming that "she is learning to be more independent" or "a happy mother makes a happy home." I won't be pacified by the nanny's comment that "she stops crying the minute you are out of sight." Does my pain at a loss hurt any less because I can reconcile myself to it? No, of course not. Then, should I disregard her pain because she is learning to deal with it? Because it is short-lived? Is my child's pain less important than mine? Even though she won't consciously remember this later, if therapy has taught me anything, it's that the unconscious forgets nothing.

I won't deny the obvious truth: I am rebuilding my career on the back of her grief.

This is hard to admit. When working mothers are on the defensive, we can't publicly admit the grief of our children. When we are fighting with each other and against those who demean us, we can't be fully honest about our own grief.

Since this morning with the Jinker Boy was particularly ... how shall I say? fraught, this got under my skin.

Perusing the about us section, discovered that a good proportion of the editorial staff blog, too (though the contributors are more inclined to have websites rather than blogs. Hmmm. See the quote from Nietzsche on the main page). A couple of these blogs I had already come across, but some were new to me, including Hudock's Mothering in the Ivory Tower and Libby Gruner's midlife mama, both of which appeal for obvious reasons. Maybe I should rename this blog. Or at least change the description. Something like, "Fat, forty, and huffing up the steps of the ivory tower. With a diaper bag."

¹ The Journal of The Association for Research on Mothering published an excellent issue on Mothers and Sons in 2000, and I believe that back issues are available. Also excellent: Andrea O'Reilly's edited book, Mothers and Sons: Feminism, Masculinity and the Struggle to Raise our Sons (Routledge, 2001).

Scribbled at August 23, 2004 04:20 PM AST | Hmmm? (3) | TrackBack (0) | Link Cosmos | More? parenthood, web/blogs




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