May 09, 2005

Meet you at Tim's

Doughnut map of Canada (see also the Menstrual Map, the Retail Map, and others. Via Plep).

May 03, 2005

And proud of it

I am: -14% Republican.

"The Marxists are too reactionary for you. With people like you around, America collectively thanks God for John Ashcroft."

Are You A Republican?

Goodness. Do you think it was the environment question? Where I said we should establish space colonies and turn the Earth into a nature preserve? (We're heading south in a couple of weeks. I wonder if I'll have trouble crossing the border. Seeing as how I'm to the left of even PZ Myers, Dr. B., and Lauren.)

January 12, 2005

Better Than Sears

Get your own.

Me-me

Everyone is linking to¹ the Perception Laboratory's Face Transformer. Pretty nifty, but the ultimate in bloggy solipcism (I know, this from someone who never saw a quiz she didn't like). But when the blogger formerly known as – oh, sorry — anyway, when someone posted about Emily Dickinson remade as a manga heroine, I buckled.

Not to be outdone by the modest souls who confined themselves to posting a meagre single illustration, here I am as a baby, a child, an older woman, a man, a Modigliani painting, a Botticelli painting, a Mucha painting, and a manga character, all based on this original.

¹ P.Z. Myers faces his critics head on.

Say it loud

A surprisingly reasonable quiz. Via The Little Professor.

January 08, 2005

Pick me!

Lauren has mounted the The Feministe Anti-Awards. I would like to nominate myself for "The “Shameless Meme Spreader” Award for all the stupid quizzes and book lists that I post.

Update (12:48pm): And she did.

January 03, 2005

What to make of this?

You scored as The Dragon. Ancient, chaotic, and a bit mysterious is the Dragon figure. Awakened from your happy slumber upon a pile of gold, you go about the country slaying its occupants. Beowulf manages to kill you, but not before you ensure his death. Congrats.

If You Were in Beowulf...
created with QuizFarm.com

Thanks to another boring academic has a blog?.

I am apparently 100% dragon but 92% Wiglaf, which if you know the story is a real conflict of interest. And 75% Grendel's mother, for whom I have a real soft spot.

December 20, 2004

But of course.

Susan Ivanova - from Babylon 5


Who's Your Inner Bitch?
brought to you by Quizilla

(link from Dr. B).

Other fun facts:

Why women writers are disadvantaged (from Maud).

Why women academics are disadvantaged (from Cronaca).

December 06, 2004

For all my students with writer's cramp:

Dear Santa letter generator (hat tip to moleskinerie).

November 28, 2004

I had just resolved to cut down

on quizzes, when I discovered that Pericat had written one.

You're intelligent and well-rounded, not that you didn't know it, of course. You may take a quiz now and then, but as long as you're pretending to be your cat when you do it, it doesn't really count.

What Kind of Quiz Taker Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Spot on, m'dear!

September 13, 2004

Well, yeah.

You're an agitator! Your kids have grown up on the front lines of rallies and pickets, and chances are that you boycott at least one company for its bad business practices. Your kids are learning what matters to you and how they can change what matters to them.

What kind of a freaky mother are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

(via KateSpot).

September 09, 2004

In honour of the first day of classes, yesterday

Today known as Ergotism, this illness is caught through ingestion of a fungal infection of grain, usually rye. If you are not already, you soon are going to be suffering from dizziness, hallucinations, and a sensation of burning in the limbs, thus giving the disease its name. It could result in gangrene. The good news: there is a 60% chance you will survive it! The bad news? You will wish you had not. You will have lingering symptoms for the rest of your life, including mental impairment and being more susceptible to it in the future rather than having immunity. You probably live in a rural town undergoing a very wet winter to have caught this skin-reddening sickness.

Which Medieval Plague Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

(Via Ancarett, who inexplicably posted this even though she is on sabbatical).

August 27, 2004

Go ask Alice

Lauren's Alice in Wonderland Page: collection of illustrations (from Bookninja [08/23/04]).

Dakota Fanning might be in new Alice film from Spielberg (from Stephany at Maud's).

Alice is big in Japan.

Alice for sale.

The Lewis Carroll Society.

Lewis Carroll Academic Information.

More Alice links.

Pop-up Alice.

Flash Alice (from Boing Boing).

Alice in Wonderland Theme Park.

Alice photo-montage.

Alice In Wonderland and the Shroud of Turin.

Go to Wonderland yourself or send a loved one.

And what would life be without Quizilla? Which Alice in Wonderland Character are you? (link from Sharon. Who is of course also the Chesire Cat.)

[I misplaced a link to a site featuring wierd and creepy photos of a Japanese Alice and her cohorts in a stiff, formal garden setting; it was linked recently on someone's blog. I'd love for anyone who recalls it to leave a comment. Even if the comment begins, "That what 'Add Bookmark' is for, bubblebrain!"]

Update (30/8/04): Thanks to Vernica for the elusive creepy Alice link: Alice in Wonderland staged by Japanese cosplayers (link from Boing Boing). And check out her The Playful Antiquarian for more examples of "Carroll-mania."

August 21, 2004

At the risk of lowering the intellectual tone

around here: can you tell the difference between a 'maritial aid' and a dogtoy? I could, 12 out of 14 times in both rounds.

Of course, I have a dog.

Thanks to manu for the link in Weez's comments.

August 09, 2004

Two geeky quizzes

via No Fancy Name:

Which OS are You?

Well of course I would have preferred to have been Mac O/S X, especially since I don't know Red Hat Linux from the Cat in the Hat. But flattery goes a long way.

Which Nigerian spammer are You?

All untrue. Especially the 20% part.

July 17, 2004

Boy, I've missed you guys!

Lots of funny stuff at Ancarett's Abode:

Legolas Ken and Galadriel Barbie.

Which Loreena McKennitt song are you? ("The Old Ways").

What Kind of Elitist Are You? (Book and language snob. Duh!)

What's my Pirate Name? (Iron Morgan Bonney. Sort of a rum-drinking tin-man with a ribbon.)

Graffitti archeology (from Bookninja).

Injured seagull given a Barbie leg (via Mirabilis). God, I love the internet!

Which generic smut novel character are you? (The Obscenely Wealthy Heiress, of course. Via Nalo Hopkinson).

And from the other end of the alphabet: found zen at web zen. Very cool links.

July 06, 2004

Another esoteric quiz

from Miscellanea & Ephemera via Catalogue Blog:

You are the the Hierophant card. The Hierophant, called The Pope in some decks, is the preserver of cultural traditions. After entering The Emperor's society, The Hierophant teaches us its wisdom. The Hierophant learns and teaches our cultural traditions. The discoveries our ancestors have made influence the present. Without forces such as The Hierophant who are able to interpret and communicate traditional lore, each generation would have to begin to learn anew. As a force that is concentrated on our past and our culture, The Hierophant can sometimes be stubborn and set in his ways. This is a negative trait he shares with his zodiac sign, Taurus. But like Taurus he is productive. His traditional lore can provide a source of inspiration for the creatively inclined, and his knowledge provides an excellent foundation for those who come into their own in the business world. Image from: Morgan E. Cauthers-Knox

Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

More about the meaning of this card, and here.
LOTS of Tarot stuff.
Erotic Tarot.

More images of the Hierophant:

July 04, 2004

Oh, just great!

And look at this picture, fer cryin' out loud!

You are Choleric. Confident, strong willed, and self-sufficient, you make a strong leader and delegator. You are the type of person that gets things done, and motivates others to do the same. Though generally optimistic, you can be driven by anger or revenge, and are at times referred to as both unemotional or cruel. Cholerics make excellent teachers, athletes, and military professionals.

Which of the Humours are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Jeez Lousie, what kind of mood must I be in today to have gotten this result?

[Thanks to Ancaret for the link. Ancaret, who is a much pleasanter person than I am].

June 11, 2004

It's Friday

(Like I need an excuse.)

Guess the Dictator and/or Television Sit-Com Character is really good. And as ampersand points out, it does Buffy too. I particularly like the way it mixes up the questions: "Do you live with your father and his therapist?" "Were you hung by the feet by your own countrymen?"

In order to avoid either of the above fates, check out the fortune cookie fortune generator (via mirabilis). And here are other sign makers.

And finally, from the Queen of Friday cat blogging, The Ancient Art of Cat Dancing.

June 09, 2004

Miss Brodie

Minerva McGonagall, Transfigurations.


Harry Potter Quiz: Which Hogwarts Professor Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

(Via Frogs and Ravens).

May 23, 2004

How did they know?

You are the 1933 Beck Map! A diagram rather than a true map, you distort what you represent. A thing of engineering beauty, many after you will form themselves in your image. Hand me that 3/8th Gripley, would you?


Which London Underground Map Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'll have to find a copy for my trip in July. Just to make things interesting.

(Thanks to to drown a rose).

May 17, 2004

So it is written

Matthew Cheney points towards the Nostradamus Quatrain Generator. Delighted, I asked it if my migraine would end today. This is the response:

Triremes full of captives of all ages
Will be found in the temple of the Vestals
Their two vassals rebel against them
As the primate succumbs at Reggio

I think that means no, assuming that I am the succumbing primate. But this is not necessarily bad news for the PhD candidate whose defense I am attending tomorrow.

May 06, 2004

Grades all in!

Which makes this appropriate:

I am 51% evil.



I'm getting there. I haven't done all the damage I could do but I've done quite a bit. I'm just over the border into the Evil Zone.
Are you evil? find out at Hilowitz.com
[Thanks to weez, who is way more evil than I am].

And this even more appropriate:

What Kind of Drunk Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey [Thanks to Mark Sarvas, who drinks way more than I do].

April 26, 2004

Some links

Poetry in your pocket (via Culture Cat).

Tracking kids with Lego writstbands (via slashdot).

Zombies are the new Republicans (via the chutry experiment).

A woman who says her iPod is better than her boyfriend (via Cult of Mac).

Screensaver mimics airplane window (via Cult of Mac).

Eats, Shoots & Leaves: a punctuation game (via forty.something. And no, you may not know my score.)

La Gringa asks, "What would Joan Jett do?" (W.W.J.J.D.?)

April 23, 2004

It's that time of year

The fun continues at zigzackly. Come on; post here, or post there, or both. You know you wanna.

To get you started (these are posted at zigzackly):

Withering Heights: The king of the killer review gets his comeuppance on the moors.
Bride and Prejudice: Lizzie gets married in Chapter One. Darcy doesn't like the look of the vicar. A very short novella.
As I Lay Dyeing: Experimental account of relaxed hairdresser.
Kiss Me Mate: Musical rendering of coming-out story in Elizabethan England.
BEING, BEING: Frolicksome '60s comedy about existentialists swapping theories and airhostesses while flying around the world.

In other news, I proctored my last exam of the term this morning, sat through two meetings this afternoon, am only now getting over the cold from hell, and will do anything to put off looking at that pile of marking for just a little while longer.

Just two more:

King Solomon's Mine: What really goes on among those dashing adventurers.

The Badwoman in the Attic: Gilbert and Gubar recant.

Update (24/4/04): The Little Professor and la gringa join in the fun.

April 15, 2004

ROFL!!!!!!

Okay, this is truly hilarious: Romeo and Juliet for text-messaging teens. Thanks to James D. and bean for posting the link at Alas, a Blog.

March 18, 2004

A late St. Paddy's Day offering

an Irish Folkore and Literature Quiz to which I am only linking because I scored 10/10 (after some inspired guesswork. Who is Darby O'Gill, anyway?).

Thanks to Maud Newton for the link.

March 15, 2004

And another quiz

this time from the BBC, about first lines. I merely did well. Via Bookslut.

March 13, 2004

I sent them a cheque right away

Via mirabilis, the invaluable Confuse a Cat service. For other people's cats; mine has no need for it.

Jargon redux

Via Tom Runnacles at Crooked Timber, Buzzword Bingo!, for those days when you just can't leverage your way to the bleeding edge and visualize that synergistic paradigm. (Though put your hands up if you found a word or two that you have been known to use, upon occasion, yourself...)

A few links from the comments section:

The Web Economy Bullshit Generator
The gobbledygook generator
Colloquium Bingo at The Lounge

March 09, 2004

There can only be one. No, wait...

Which Colossal Death Robot Are You?

Born in 1963 [um, yeah, '63, that's right, '63], you are possibly the original colossal death robot, being one of the patriarchs of the current crop, and definitely an advocate of old-skool enemy-bashing. Why use a clumsy particle weapon when you can create supernovas just by flexing your arms? Your one minor weakness is that you are entirely dominated by some kid with a remote contol — still, don't let it get you down. You can sink a nuclear submarine with jazz music.

Thanks to weez for the link. Weez, who also claims to be Gigantor. We will have to settle this. In Tokyo, at dawn.

February 26, 2004

Beaten by a quiz

Maud was right. I should never have taken the book quiz to "identify my literary match." There is too much riding on it; best to stick to what type of coffee drink or flavour of breath mint I am. (Though I did have investment in the western feminist icon and the which author's fiction are you quizzes.) Anyway, I took the book quiz several times and like none of the results:

Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maude Montgomery (puleese!)
Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card is admittedly closer, but definitely not there yet.
Prufrock and Other Observations by T.S. Eliot. As if.
The Guns of August by Barbara Tuchman. Whatever.
Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut. Okay, well at least I've read it.
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. This is where I gave up.

February 25, 2004

More fun with words

Two more from the marvellous Bookslut:

Monkeys writing Hamlet and summarizing novels in twenty-five words:

Pride and Prejudice: "High-principled woman who is not so superficial as to be taken in by wealth and good looks chooses the handsome, shaggable one anyway."

Round peg in a round hole

Athena


Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thanks to a Ratboy — er, I mean, Morpheus — for the quiz.

February 24, 2004

Make mine a decaf

You're a Classic Cup 'O' Joe!


What Kind of Coffee are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

[I really must set up that side blog.]

Thanks to thinking with my fingers for wasting my time the link.

February 09, 2004

Haiku for the masses

And here, thanks to moleskinerie, are two haiku generators, one for valentine's and one for the other 364 days of the year. Here is my randomly generated haiku:

tiredly decadent
hags rusting moonlight bloats, tame
bluebird defecates

Oddly enough, it suits my mood.

February 08, 2004

Innoculate yourself against Feb. 14

Via Notes from Coode Street. Very funny. Go.

What if LotR had been written by Jane Austen?

Here is a hilarious site, via Austen-tatious, where are gathered various spoofs of LotR channelled through the likes of Coleridge ("In Khazad-dûm did evil fall / And stately Aragorn despair"), the Beowulf poet ("A great shadow descended / Horrific winged creature with wicked rider"), John Donne ("Goe and catch a falling Ring / Get with child the Elven Queen,"), Robert Burns ("Wee timid, hungry, half-grown hobbit, / Living in hole like ony rabbit,"), John Keats ("O what can ail thee, Frodo lad, / Alone and palely loitering?"), and scads of others. Here is a taste:

e. e. cummings
by Hunter Green

precious) downward
my) the heat rises
O) the mountain rises

like a mouth the earth
swallows
greedily

a finger without its hand
a body without its soul
an evil without its power

bright sun on us both)
remembering(
bobbing forth and back)
my birthday(
he was greedy like the earth)
one life begins(
one life ends)
river like a mouth, cold, hot
ring like a mouth, devouring
consumed i must consume

(Sméagol?)

the ring (O
and the body (my
are consumed (precious

Helen Fielding was mentioned twice, much to my delighted surprise, but of course it wasn't Helen, sister of Henry, but that other Helen Fielding.

Most of the writers who are pastiched here are male, which I suppose is hardly surprising. Some of our students are (were?) thinking of putting on a public debate to discuss the proposition that the LotR is a misogynist text. Hope it goes forward.

February 07, 2004

Who could have doubted it?

Which Silver Screen Siren are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

The reason that I am Katherine Hepburn is that the test had no Mae West.

Thanks to Ancarett's Abode for the link.

I think I might look into having a mini-blog in a sidebar for this sort of thing. Of course, then I would have to write more substantial posts. I will think on't.

February 02, 2004

Time savers

Following up from my earlier nod to the PowerPoint Goodnight Moon, Lolita, Hamlet etc., here is a link, via Maud Newton, to Book-a-Minute Classics. Samples that would have saved my students a lot of reading in the last couple of weeks:

"The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Ancient Mariner: I am creepy and old. Listen to me.

Wedding Guest: I'm late, but I'll listen.

Ancient Mariner: I killed an albatross. Then everyone died.

THE END

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

Walton: Dear Margaret: My ship picked up this guy. He RULES.

Frankenstein: I discovered the secret of life, and everyone died. (dies)

Frankenstein's Monster: Inexplicably, I have become suicidal. (jumps out a window)

THE END

February 01, 2004

My Spidey sense is tingling

Well this is pretty accurate. The mediation part, I mean. But I'm not blond.

You are 44% geek

You are a geek liaison, which means you go both ways. You can hang out with normal people or you can hang out with geeks which means you often have geeks as friends and/or have a job where you have to mediate between geeks and normal people. This is an important role and one of which you should be proud. In fact, you can make a good deal of money as a translator. Normal: Tell our geek we need him to work this weekend. You [to Geek]: We need more than that, Scotty. You'll have to stay until you can squeeze more outta them engines! Geek [to You]: I'm givin' her all she's got, Captain, but we need more dilithium crystals! You [to Normal]: He wants to know if he gets overtime.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

Thanks to feministe for the link.

January 31, 2004

How many calories in that?

You are Spearmint. You are quick-witted and sharp. You pay close attention to details and you can tell what your friends are feeling. You are always the first to understand a joke and you are valued for your insight and advice. However, you sometimes isolate yourself from other people, afraid to share your own feelings. Most Compatible With: Cinnamon.

Which Tic-Tac Flavor Are You? brought to you by Quizilla, of course.

And the moral to this story is, don't blog at 1:57am.

[Thanks for the link to tuesday's child at geekorama.]

January 29, 2004

Omigod! Omigod!

Frances is my middle name!! This is, like, totally wierding me out! Totally.

You will be sucked dry by a leech. I'd stay away from swimming holes, and stick to good old cement. Even if it does hurt like hell when your toe scrapes the bottom.


What horrible Edward Gorey Death will you die?
brought to you by Quizilla

Link from Unlocking the Air.

January 23, 2004

Feels like appropriation

but I'll take it.

You are Angela Davis! You were the THIRD WOMYN IN HISTORY to appear on the FBI's Most Wanted List. You are a communinist, black power-lovin' lady who shook up the United States when you refused to lie down quietly to oppression. You WENT TO JAIL! Wow. You kick so much more ass than Foxxy Brown.

Which Western feminist icon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thanks, feministe.

One day, in Teletubby land...

Everyone knows that Jerry Falwell claims that Tinky Winky is "promoting the gay lifestyle," right?

Though why he would think so, is anyone's guess.

(Here is the scoop from theory.org.uk.) And here, via The Foo Blog, is someone so far out, Falwell looks almost reasonable in comparison: "TELETUBBIES: Nazi Hybrid Greys in Disguise" (you've been warned). No, wait; Teletubbies are part of a secularizing, goddess-worshipping conspiracy. Then there is the Teletubbies conspiracy site, which has to be a satire. Has to be. Almost certainly satiric is this site about the species Teletubby (Tubbis tele).

I have been meaning to post on the Teletubbies for awhile now. The Pinocchio Theory offered some incisive Tubbie analysis awhile back. And then I was pushed over the edge when my mother, watching with Alex, suddenly noticed that Dipsy has darker skin than the other three, and said, "That's odd; I thought they were all one family." I, on the other hand, have always assumed that they are some sort of anarcho-syndicalist commune (this reading of the show as a hotbed of progressive ideology is backed up by the interpolated vignettes of multi-racial groups of children—real children, whose socks fall down, not the polished automatons on Barney—and the episode in which the mummy of the little girl with the puppies is casually revealed to have a tattoo). The Pinocchio Theory post is worth quoting in full:

I watch Teletubbies now and again with Adah (who is now 15 months old), but I have to admit I love it more than she does. I think it’s the most brilliant kids’ TV show that I have ever seen (or at least, that I have ever seen as an adult).
Teletubbies is pure bliss.The show has a formal elegance rare for TV: a minimalism as rigorous as those of early Philip Glass or late Samuel Beckett. The beginning and end of the show are always the same: the baby-sun rising, and then setting, with the Teletubbies saying hello and goodbye respectively. Once the sun has risen, the Teletubbies run away over the hills; and a voice emanating from one of those tubes that rise out of the ground asks: “Where have the Teletubbies gone?” This enigmatic question is never answered: it is always followed by a series of abstract scenes, with multiple Teletubbies against monochromatic backdrops. There are only four Teletubbies, but they can be “everywhere,” thanks to their multiple instantiations in these abstract scenes. Other elements are repeated from show to show as well, like the mini-films of children around the world, broadcast through one or another of the Teletubbies’ tubbies; and my favorite, the twice-repeated (sometimes more) “Big Hug” that follows the offscreen narrator’s assurance that “Teletubbies love each other very much.”
I also love the puzzling non-narratives that sometimes happen in the latter part of the show: a piece of Tubby Toast is too big for Tinky Winky, Dipsy, or LaaLaa to eat, but Poe (the smallest) manages to eat it just fine. Or, the meadow is mysteriously turned into a big lake, then just as mysteriously back to a meadow again. Or, LaaLaa plays with her (?) ball inside because it has started to rain; but when the rain ends, she goes outside again. Even when these little stories seem like they are going to turn moralistic or didactic, they don’t, but stop short of having a point (I imagine this to be some Western child’s version of a Zen koan, but I don’t really know anything about Zen). Of course, other times there are no such pseudo-narratives at all; the Teletubbies just dance, or march around, or something.
The Teletubbies themselves intrigue me endlessly: it’s so hard to figure out whether their brightly-colored surfaces are skin/fur, or just costumes they are wearing (the seam on their backs suggests it is just a costume, but somehow it makes sense to me that this would be the form of their actual, pre-genital bodies). LaaLaa and Poe seem to be female, because they are smaller and their voices higher; Tinky Winky seems to be male (and gay, as Jerry Falwell claimed); Dipsy remains mysterious to me in this regard. But infantile or pre-genital gender is a strange sort of concept anyway; one thing that is good about the show is that this strangeness is retained intact (instead of being “normalized” by the absurd tyranny of boys-in-blue and girls-in-pink from the moment of birth).
I’m usually not a fan of minimalist art; but here the infantile content perfectly matches the form.

Further to the aesthetics of Teletubbies, via an old post on Law Blog: "Teletubbies inspire new style of jazz."

But are they good for you? Here, just as some have feared, is a photo of someone's baby being hypnotized. But despite what some people say, Teletubbies are educational. Pedro Vera describes how his little one has developed a sense of order and hierarchy from the Teletubbies:

Pedro has an incredible collection of Teletubbies. He has them in all sizes, both plushies and plastic. That is on top of the other zillion toys in the house.

Except for one thing: Regardless of where I find them in the house, I always find them arranged in the proper order that they are presented in the TV show:

1. Tinky Winky (Boy, Purple)
2. Dipsy (Boy, Green)
3. Laa Laa (Girl, Yellow)
4. Po (Girl, Red)

It is not that they are always in a perfect line (they never are) but that Pedro always sorts them by color. From where I am sitting right now I can see two sets setup that way, and I just saw in my own bedroom there is another set (huge plushies, 2/3rds of Pedro's height) arranged on the foot of our bed.

Surely this can only be a good thing.

And millions of viewers can't be wrong. There is quite a fan base out there. Here are links to 8 Track Diva's knitting patterns for Teletubbies projects (I love the hats). And paper crafts ("All projects require a toilet paper roll to complete"). And cupcakes.
Electronic tubby postcards from the Netherlands.
A webring.

Of course, not everyone likes them. This picture from the frisky Alive and Blogging is frankly disturbing, though I am not entirely sure why since I have worked out my own Tubbie taxonomy which includes a few of these elements (Dipsy=dipsomanic is a no-brainer). Must be the R. Crumb-does-the-playground idea. Mike Rogers would appear to have some serious Tubbies issues. Along with a nightmarish picture that is NOTHING like Teletubby Land, he offers a shoot-'em-up called "Teletubbies mercy killing." And here is another shooting game, though I couldn't figure out how it worked. But my heart wasn't in it.

Then there is the Teletubbies virus hoax and the Teletubbies quiz:

Uh-oh!

And finally (be still, my heart), one can buy one's own Noo Noo.

Tubby successors: Boobahs. On this side of the pond, watch for them Jan. 19 on PBS.

January 06, 2004

Poetic aspirations, yet lazy?

Not to worry: introducing the Dylan Thomas random poem generator from the BBC (via mirabilis):

My poem almost makes sense:

The dying leaves of the daybreak
The greenleaved horses in flesh,
Sleeping by the harshly playful sea
For dreamt statues live
With no more fishwives than the pretender

January 04, 2004

Trouble with ideas?

Okay, this is the answer to a dream. Ran across—sorry can't remember where—"The Amazing and Incredible, Only-Slightly-Laughable, Politically Unassailable, PoMo English Title Generator." Here are the titles from which I will be cobbling together a lecture next week:

"Re-visioning Power: Labial Corpses in Margery Kempe's The Book of Margery Kempe"
"Symbol and Depression in The Book of Margery Kempe: Margery Kempe Politicizing Ablist (Author)ity"
"Ethos and Danger in The Book of Margery Kempe: Margery Kempe (Re)reading Cultural Borderlines"
"Embalming Savagery: Colonial Fetishization in Margery Kempe's The Book of Margery Kempe"
"The Erasure of Reception and the Materialist in Margery Kempe's The Book of Margery Kempe"

On second thought, think I will go with the labial corpses.

January 02, 2004

Rock on, Barbie

I’ve been thinking about Barbie®, with and without the trademark. Regular readers may remember that we read John Varley’s “The Barbie Murders” this past term in my sf class, which prompted me to link to Valkyrie, who remakes dolls, often Barbies, into various historical, fictional, or mythological characters, and to artist Simon Tyszko and his “Suicide Bomber Barbie.” (Re. Valkyrie: there seem to be lots of people out there who customize Barbies in various ways. Check out the links from her page. I like the goth Barbies.)

I’ve also been thinking about Barbie because a friend of mine was having a dilemma over whether or not to allow her four year old daughter to have one. She (my friend) is uncomfortable with the dolls but doesn’t want to make them even more appealing to her daughter by forbidding them. I told her about a conversation I had had with another friend about the subversive uses to which many little girls put their Barbies. She herself (friend #2) said that her Barbie used to be a waitress and Ken was a customer who stole her tips; she obviously had an extremely precocious class and gender analysis. I suppose that I must have as well, though in a less wholesome way, as my friends and I used to pretend that our Barbies were strippers (you try pole–dancing, even with those bendable knees. It’s not easy!). I also have memories of horrible haircuts with nail scissors, Bic pen tattoos, and my sister beheading her dolls and burying the evidence in the garden. These latter activities prompted a discussion with the sf class in which half the women admitted to similar Barbie mutilations and the other half were shocked and very disturbed. Later I posted a link to a site that describes how to decapitate a Barbie.

This type of head has no hooks or glue holding it in place. A hard plastic knob firmly holds the rim of the vinyl head. The head can be gently pushed or pried off. Heating the vinyl head with either hot water (which can also reset the hair)  or a warm blow dryer (as described in the section on Beheading the Newer Barbie ®) will make the job easier.

One would think that last would have brought the topic to some kind of closure, but no. Various Barbie related links keep floating across my screen. Here, for example, is a photo–essay in which Barbie binges in the kitchen late at night, via the amazing Plep.

There once was a pretty, fair maiden who, after returning from a difficult day as doctor, pilot, race car driver, teacher *and* fairy, found herself alone in her chalet house with a bounty of binge foods.

Here, via Charlie’s Diary is a story about some fishermen who dressed up a lobster in Barbie clothes and put it in a buddie’s trap, as a prank, which contains possibly the quote of 2003:

"You try squeezing Barbie shoes on a lobster," [fisherman Chris Costello] said. "That was the most time-consuming thing."

The same story in Charlie’s Diary also revisits the Barbie Liberation Organization’s (BLO) direct action in 1993:

Astute afficionados of the weird may recall the Barbie Liberation Organization, who in 1993 carried out mass voice-box transplants on GI Joe and Barbie dolls in shops leading up to the Christmas rush. (The resulting epidemic of Barbies saying "dead men tell no tales" and GI Joes expressing a desire to go shopping triggered much clucking in the media, although the original grossly gender-stereotyped voiceboxes had caused no such fuss.)

Here is a link about the BLO. And here is another group of culture jammers with an interesting sticker campaign.

Then there is Barbie, the quiz:

You are Barbie of the Twilight Zone.

*Which Barbie Are You?*
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(Did anyone ever doubt it?)

And AdiosBarbie.com, “a body image site for every body,” with a section called “Barbiology” which includes such salient facts as:

Placed head to toe, all the Barbie dolls sold since 1959 would circle the earth more than seven times.

Then there is the very creepy Visible Barbie Project, more Ted Bundy than Naomi Wolf:

Check out Otaku Barbie, the anime fangirl with the double identity (and her buddy, Crossplay Ken).

Here are some excellent customized Barbies, with my favourite, Marilyn Manson Ken:

In the alternatives–to–Barbie–domination camp, there is Razanne, a doll designed for and marketed to Muslim girls:

Recommended site (except for the tasteless “AIDS Barbie” page):
The Decline of Civilization Barbie Page: “For the very best in Barbie satire!” Be sure to check out “Cyborg Barbie”

and “Barbie and Me”in which Michele Lloyd confesses:

When I was a pre-teen, my interest in Barbie revived. My friends and I drilled a hole into Barbie's pelvic region, and then drilled a similar hole into Ken, into which we inserted a short piece of plastic tubing. Then we all stood around while Kane, the mastermind of the idea, made the dolls do "it." Then we took turns mimicking the tabooed sex act.

The transgressiveness of this activity was gratifying, but the sex left me cold. Somehow, I thought there would be more, even between plastic dolls. (Doll sex wasn't like people sex. Occasionally we'd lose the tubing when it slipped too far into one of the pelvic holes; you could hear it rattling inside of Ken's or Barbie's torso. Sometimes, when Ken dismounted, Barbie was left with the phallus). Still seeking je ne sais quois, my friends and I took Barbie out to the train tracks, tied her to a stick and burned her at the stake. She was difficult to burn, but we kept lighting matches and bringing twigs until she'd been reduced to a misshapen bubbly mass of pinkish plastic.

There is a site set up, savebarbie.com, which looked promising; it is ostensibly asking for money to help Barbie pay off her $52,722,82 credit card debt. But it seems to be a frontpage for advertisements for dietary supplements. Which Barbie no doubt takes. But still.


Finally, and possibly the most satiric of al—presumably unintentionally, as it is posted by Mattel—Barbie has her own blog. Here is a sample:

6/26/2003  Instant Tan
Mads invited the girls to hang by the pool at her dad’s club tomorrow and scope out cuties. I’m psyched to wear my new bikini, but – news flash! – I’m pale as a ghost. So I’m going to this new spa downtown that will spray self-tanner on you. Looks just like a real tan – without the sunburn!

For some analysis, here is a salon special supplement from 1997 called “what’s it all about, Barbie?” in anticipation of Barbie’s new, more “natural” look (I haven’t noticed? Have you noticed?). Links to interesting pieces, including an article by Sarah Strohmeyer, author of Barbie Unbound: A Parody of the Barbie Obsession, on p.c. Vermont parents who ban Barbie from playtime, and “The Littlest Harlot: a working girl pays tribute to her role model,” by Tracy Quan.

In the “speak for yourself” category, here is “Barbie: The Image of Us All,” a useful site by Kristin Riddick.

In technology news, Mattel has introduced Barbie OS, based on Linux, targeted at young girls tired of microsloth. There is even a Barbie wizard to help users do various tasks, such as partitioning hard disks:

And finally, here are some links (1, 2, 3) about Barbie Nation: an unauthorized tour, the amazing film by Susan Stern that covers the history and fan poaching of Barbie.

And don’t forget the Simpsons episode, “Lisa v. Malibu Stacy.”

Malibu Stacy has already gone on to be poached herself: she runs a message board, and stars in soft porn. But lets not go there. Ever since I stumbled across some Simpsons porn (really), I haven’t been the same.

I think I may have to start a page devoted to things Barbie. Or at least turn it into a category in this blog.

December 28, 2003

Another quiz

Flannery O'Connor wrote your book. Not much escapes your notice.


Which Author's Fiction are You?
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December 27, 2003

Note to Jason/aka Theory Slut:

Re. your latest post about the pomo quiz: Well, I chose Johnny Depp as well (the first time; Angelina Jolie the second) and look how I turned out!

You know, you really must add a comments function. You use Blogger, right? Go here.

December 25, 2003

Good lord!

I retook the quiz in a fit of vanity, and this is the result:

You are a Gender Nazi. Your boundary-crossing lifestyle inspires awe in your friends and colleagues. Or maybe they're just scared you will kick their asses for using gender-specific language. Either way, the wife-beater helps.

What kind of postmodernist are you!?
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Perhaps some amalgam of the two? A subdued and pleasant gender nazi? A slightly funkier "revisionist historian"?

What did you do Xmas day? (I took a quiz)

This quiz, I can justify.

You are a Revisionist Historian. You are the Clark Kent of postmodernists. You probably want to work in a library or in social services. No one suspects you of being a postmodernist... until they read your publications!

What kind of postmodernist are you!?
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A pretty uneventful Xmas. Parental units were supposed to come with us to Peter and Phyllis', but the paternal unit is not 100% (he fell over during that wind storm a few weeks back trying to rescue his favourite cap; he is 88; nothing broken but 10 days in hospital and smashed dentures, don't ask) so they cancelled, then P&P phoned to say that both their spawn have the flu. Alex has had an intermittent fever for two days. So. Cancelled all around. Hung around in our pajamas and tried to tempt A. to open presents (he stopped after Thomas the tank engine and still has some stuff under the tree). Took a roast chicken down to parental units—cut it up very small for the Pater—and forgot A's diaper bag. Again, don't ask.

December 17, 2003

I had a suspicion...

Yesterday's quiz was the thin end of the wedge, I'm afraid. This is only literary tangentially (Catherine Parr wrote; Henry VIII wrote/stole at least one song, "Greensleeves"; Anne Boleyn's daughter, Elizabeth I, wrote... Not Anne of Cleves, however.)

Which of Henry VIII's wives are you?

this quiz was made by the lycanthropes at Spookbot

Not one of the pretty ones. But one of the only two who survived him, so who's laughing now?

December 16, 2003

Buon viaggio!

I swore I'd never post the results of one of those on-line polls, though I have been known to take them, but this one is literary:

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!

You have come to a place mute of all light, where the wind bellows as the sea does in a tempest. This is the realm where the lustful spend eternity. Here, sinners are blown around endlessly by the unforgiving winds of unquenchable desire as punishment for their transgressions. The infernal hurricane that never rests hurtles the spirits onward in its rapine, whirling them round, and smiting, it molests them. You have betrayed reason at the behest of your appetite for pleasure, and so here you are doomed to remain. Cleopatra and Helen of Troy are two that share in your fate.

Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Moderate

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

Frankly, I think I belong with the Virtuous Non–Believers, but whad are ya gonna do? [Thanks to la gringa for the link].